It has been a long long journey through the depth of the soul. A existential crisis that was spot on. Night after night I felt lonely, depressed and guilty for too many things. Everything was against me. Nobody understood me. All my thoughts were dark and evil.
Now after 1 year while I am writing this I feel so much relief to know that I have gone through so much shit and trouble that I appreciate so many things in life that make me feel happy and lucky to be alive.
I wish nobody what I have been trough but I have to say that after experiencing all these moments that I have become stronger, better and wiser than ever before. It teaches you so many things that stay undiscovered without these extreme dark thoughts. So that you will become a more whole and humble person.
So I realized that I learned so many things. Here beneath I show you the ones that really kept me going.
I learned that,
life is not only happiness,
life is not stagnant,
life is not easy,
life is a journey,
low moments are necessary to experience heights.
Only you are responsible for your life and that nobody else can decide who you are and what you do with your life. You have to stand up for yourself and persist through.
You will be tested and when you finish you will be rewarded. Believe me you deserve what you deserve. So if something is bothering you, do something about it. If something is very scary, try to understand it and face it.
I will not give a speech about life being easy. No. It is not. But there are so many more dimensions you will only experience when you have faced the darkness within. To look your demons in the eye and shelter them away so that they will never take over your life but listen to you. To your compassion towards yourself.
I know that when I talk I am a walking contradiction.
But it is that twisted mind that cracks me open in a way I feel real and meaningful.
I hope for you that whenever you are facing these dark nights that you will have the strength to go through and come out at the end of the tunnel.
Have a good trip for what that might be.
I wish you the best and will follow you through till the end of the tunnel.