I want to fit in and I don’t want to fit in

You know since I was a little child I have gone through a lot of pain.

I was not happy all the time.

Quite more the opposite.

I was angry, not okay with reality especially school and didn’t like to socialize.

Well knowadays I still have that feeling of going against the system and be very rebellious.

Actually I love that feeling.

But I keep a certain distance from it so that I can still functionate in life without risking the scenario where I fuck up my life completely.

So I use it as a strength in a way that I take challenges, deal with life uncertainties and get the hell to work when I need to.

When doing so I always stumble on the idea that I want to fit in but I also don’t want to fit in.

This is an extremely difficult thing to deal with because what happens when you completely fit in?

You get a job, a house, a wife, a dog, children and then?

Or the total opposite is that you don’t have a job, nor a house, nor a wife, you just travel in a van at low cost, you work now and then to earn money and you don’t have to do anything.

Well..

I want a middle way where I can have a job, a house, a dog, a wife, children and be able to enjoy life to the fullest whenever possible, like in the evening, in the weekend or at holiday.

I don’t care to work a lot, it is just that I want to do things for myself and that is complicated when society is designed in a way that you always work for someone else.

Or you begin a business or start something yourself.

That is a great idea but first I need experience to do so so that should be my way of going through life right know.

To get as much experience as possible from life in society and then make it my own and move into the direction I want to go to.

I think that is the way to go for me.

Maybe you are stumbling on the same questions or problems too and want to share your way of handling these tough life situations?

I am looking forward to hear your perspective on it.

Peace

InvolutionToday

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