Hi my name is Ben Visser,
I am writing you this personally because I feel the need to do so.
I have delt with social anxiety my whole life. I thought I would have no life after high school.
I searched some way outs through drugs and alcohol.
I just tried everything there is.
Luckily I beat anxiety, or at least I can handle it now.
Sadly I got a huge depression.
Well I do not recommend to do drugs or alcohol.
I do say that drugs helped me to awaken and get to know myself better, and it gave me such a wonderful life experiences that I know there is more to life than what they teach you at school.
So back to the story of my depression.
For two years ago I got taken out into a mental institution for that I had gone through a psychosis. I was battling with anxiety, depression and this was the bullet that went through and that was that I got a psychosis.
Now all the familymembers, friends and therapists had to see me go to a mental institution and be there for like 1 month.
It was not the best place to be, but I got to know some people and could relate to them. They were all very natural and didn´t made me feel worse or bad about what I was going through.
So how did I handle my depression?
Well talking, talking, writing, creating and exercising.
It is through talking that you release the emotional ties with your soul which relieves so much pain and bad feelings that it helps you to get refreshed a bit again.
Through writing I found my purpose to write for guiding people through hard times and make myself to work on myself everyday and share that with everyone who likes it.
I created some pieces of art which made me feel relieved and a sense of recognition for that I finally shared my inner landscape and my pureness from my soul which I had never shared before. So that was really cool for me.
And as last, exercising gives me a feeling of being healthy and having some relief of all my emotional turmoil and get some good feelings during or after it is done.
So if you are having a depression I recommend you to do something like these things.
I know it is difficult and different for everybody.
The thing is that you are intelligent and think differently than most people which causes you to have a depression. Know that you can use your true intelligence, your body intelligence to guide yourself to the light and towards a healing of your soul.
Without your inner gps system, your inner voice, you will get lost.
That is not bad or not good.
It will trigger you to go on and do find your purpose.
If you don´t find it you will feel lost but are not at the end of the world.
You have to dig deeper and maybe one day you know what you are seeking and want to understand it and from that moment you are a true hero and have overcome yourself.
It is a constant battle. Maybe it will never be over.
Just think about the distinction between wanting to die, or not wanting to feel like shit anymore.
I hope you decide to not want to feel like shit anymore and want to go on in life.
If you want to die I hope someone or something could help you to get in touch with yourself again. Seek some help from friends or family or a therapist. It really helps to talk about it. I know what you are going through and the only way is to open up. It is hard I know but there is no other way. Life is suited this way and yes you may be trapped and yes you may be lonely but it is not the end allright?
I don´t care if you want help or not. I want you to be you and that is the only purpose of this post.
So stay strong and hopefully you could be yourself and deal with your anxiety, depression or just life.