Since I was a little boy I wanted to rebel and try things out. I started smoking cigarettes and wanted to avoid the anxietyfull situations called college. I desperately wanted to do something about it. From that moment I began to think for myself and wanted freedom. Away from all the institutions right into a world for myself. A world or space where I could be me, just me. Unfortunately there was no space for me. Everywhere I go there is someone I know or is involved in this societal web where people see and judge me for what I do. I truly hated being watched and being judged for what I do. I hated teachers who wanted to control your behavior or punish you for talking too much. Yes I was rebellious sometimes. On the other hand I was very quiet and did nothing wrong. But that was because I was too anxious to just be me. I would receive a lot of conflict and that is something I don’t want. Only at gymnastics I would feel free and the teachers were often times nice to me and others.
Now I am a lot older and are going to high school where there too are teachers. Some are very inspiring and some are more doing it because they have to. I gravitate towards the inspiring teachers. They help you to motivate you and to understand the subject at hand in an inspiring way. That feels good and is good.
Depsite all the good teachers I wanted something more. I wanted freedom, change or something that makes more sence. I searched for it at the internet, bye doing drugs, bye going into foreign places, bye meditating. I just wanted to feel peace within myself. I wanted to do something about the inner drive to explore life and the universe. I wanted to do something with my understanding of myself and others.
Now I see that freedom is an illusion. No matter how well I am I will always have to deal with other people. I will always have to work in order to get some money which gives me acces to build a foundation for life. A house, some food, something to drink, a mobile, a bike or car, doing sports, travel, get a laptop or something else you can do with your money.
The thing is that real freedom is only applicable to the inner world. The outer world is made up in such a way that you cannot escape society. You can only transform your inner world so that you see the limits of society and see that you are more than you in comparison to society.
You are a whole universe inside yourself and outside yourself. You are the teacher and the student. You are curiousity at large. You are navigating through the world. You create your own worldview, you really do. That’s why thinking for yourself is such a great idea for that you forget about searching for freedom and begin to take your power in your own hands to change your worldview and bye changing it you already feel free to do so.
The right to think for yourself is one of the best rights there is. Nobody can take it away from you.
‘Your inner freedom is free’
It is there and is unlimited. It goes on and on and on. No human being can see a dead end from inside. No human being can see a limit to the amount of wisdom you can obtain. No human being can tell you what to do about your inner landscape.
So are you still searching for freedom outside of yourself? Do you want to do something about it? Are you restless for no reason?
If yes I recommend you to start exploring your inner landscape. If not I still would recommend it. Try to observe what you are doing, thinking or feeling. Don’t judge yourself but try to understand yourself. If you really do so you will feel free from inside and that is the best gift you can get.
So if you want help, feel free to ask me anything.
I would listen and respond to you dearly.