Emotional Projection

Since the day I was confronted with anger or harsh behaviour from someone else I began to think about why people behave in a certain way.

Questions like,

Why is a child bullying someone else?

Why is a parent shouting at his or her children?

Why is someone attacking someone else on social media?

may arise.

From what I’ve learned is that people project their own insecurities on others. For example a person wants to feel worthy. Whenever someone reminds that person of his or her own insecurities he or she feels ashamed. A healthy person would react with conscience but not everyone is that way. Some will react out of poor self-esteem and behaviour. They might attack the other person, trying to shout out their own insecurities. It won’t help because the longer they attack the more empty they feel. It’s like throwing gas on a fire. The more gas you put on it the more it will burn. The feeling of that burden feels painful and empty.

Now what can you do whenever you meet someone who is showing harsh behaviour towards you or someone else?

First of all do not trigger more painful emotions. Try to stay calm and show some understanding from where they are coming from. Make sure they don’t feel offendend or ashamed. Just listen to them and try to talk about things that are less emotional. When the time comes he or she will talk to you more openly and only bye talking they calm down and say what is going on. So don’t trigger their emotions bye attacking or calling names to them.

Second, if the person is someone you will not see again you can always decide to walk away. You are not here to be confronted bye people who cannot hold themselves. You have a right to remain silent and walk away. But some people just need people they do not know to listen to them. The reason is that they will not open up to someone they know. Whenever someone comes along who is independent and shows true understanding they might open up and feel free to say things from their heart.

From my experience I know that people who shout the hardest are also the most sensitive beneath the skin. Whenever they feel comfortable they realise how much pain they endure. And that one real conversation can remind them of who they are and what they want. The reason they show so much agressiveness is because they come from a place of insecurity. A place where they can’t hide or walk away from. Their environment is triggering it all the time. And the usual coping mechanism seems like fighting and attacking others. But the only way out is when they realize that their pain won’t go away the way they behave at the moment. Only bye acknowleding their pain to themselves they come to their senses. The difficult part is that whenever someone never feels safe he or she will be fighting like most of the time. The chance they ever feel safe around someone else becomes smaller and smaller.

That’s why my advise is to show true understanding when you meet someone showing some harsh behaviour. Try to listen to them whenever you are one on one. When they open up you will see that they are also human beings who need someone to listen to. Know that they won’t like to open up freely. They must feel safe in order to that. So don’t expect it to happen in front of a group of people. One on one might work better.

So are you dealing with people who show harsh behaviour or are you curious about it? Then I would suggest you try to understand these people and see if you can understand why they do it. It is hard because these true emotions are often hidden but that does not mean it’s impossible. From my own experience I get amazed bye the true feelings of someone who has been attacking others a lot of time. They don’t do that because they are feeling like they are in heaven. No they feel hurt deep down and want a way out.

When you see that harsh people are only fighting their own pain you will feel less offended bye people showing such behaviour. It is helpful for them and yourself to understand why people attack others.

I hope you enjoyed this post and got something to think about during your trip here on Earth.



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